Mom's Maxim's Revisted, Translated, and Updated

By popular demand ( I've received email), here are very bad translations.

-Sarna con gana no pica y si pica no mortifica.
A rash with desire doesn't itch and if it itches, it won't irritate.
Basically, if it's something you want, you won't feel the discomfort.
-Hasta la ciruela pasa.
Even the date(as in date palm) passes.
The equivalent to "This, too shall pass." I might add that pasa also means raisin.
-Si la situacion no tiene remedio porque te preocupas y si tiene remedio porque te preocupas?
If the situation cannot be remedied why do you worry, and if it can why do you worry?
In essence, if it can't be fixed, there's nothing you can do. If it can be fixed, you can do it.
-No llores como mujer lo que no supistes defender como hombre.
Don't cry like a woman what you didn't know how to defend like a man.
Although horribly sexist, it speaks for itself.
-En el reino del ciego, el tuerto es rey.
Another politically incorrect entry. In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.
-Un (fill in the blank) hala mas que una yunta de buey.
A female has more pull than a team of oxen.
-Ningun mono se ve su rabo.
No monkey sees his own tail, or we tend not to see our own flaws.