A Modest Proposal al Cubanazo

Growing up in a particularly volatile home, I heard the word cubanazo flung around often. The word is difficult to define and has a variety of meanings depending on the context. It is most often used to describe someone who is loutish, dramatic, rough, and even backwoodsy, but in my home it denoted a certain kind of behavior. For instance, my mother and father might be arguing over whether she peeled the potatoes for Bacalao a la Viscaina and he would suddenly decide not to eat dinner at all. She would say, "Ya! El Cubanazo."

In this context, it referred to someone making a sweeping gesture as a result of offense and refusing to be reasonable. I confess there was an element of machismo involved. Now, Dad could feel the brunt also, as when he waxed poetic about the papas rellenas they used to make in his hometown. It would be years before he ate another papa rellena made by my mother, even though she used to make them often. She would feed them to us before he came home. So we feminized the word to encompass her behavior, la cubanaza. Over time, it became something of a family joke and the offender of the moment was mocked. It eventually morphed into "getting your Cuban up."

Well, I've been sitting here and pondering the comments being made after any Cuba-related article. I've been mulling over our policies and realities, taking into account the barbarians at the gate and all. So with my Cuban quite firmly up, I have come up with two ideas for the Cuban question.

The cattlemen, the farmers, all want trade restrictions eased (read that they wish to extend credit to the Regime), at least that is the way the media is presenting it. Sounds fine with me. I propose that we allow these fine businessmen to do just that. After all the last time Cuba essentially defaulted on its debt was 1986, which was a long time ago . It currently owes major amounts to countries like Russia, Mexico, India, China and even Venezuela. Obviously, all these countries are getting rich from trade with Cuba; there is no reason our noble farmers and ranchers should miss out.

Then there are the wouldbe tourists: I mean it's absolutely shameful that Americans can't participate in the tourist apartheid. They've seen all those pictures. What a quaint country! Just look at the old cars and the decaying infrastructure, all the cool people who go there. And the natives are happy. They play music all day, while the government provides them food and free healthcare. Think, too, of the good that it could do. Think of all that money going into the coffers of the military types that run the tourist industry. For sure, it will convince them to relinquish power.

So I propose that we lift the travel ban- in fact, we should provide tax incentives for tourist travel to Cuba. Of course, everyone would have to travel in the same period of time, say a month. Can you just imagine the effect of a hundred thousand Americans descending on the island? That'll show the Europeans how enlightened we are. The only down side would be that it would be difficult for the machinery of repression keep up with it all. Imagine an American youth demanding his rights when hauled off to jail for attending an impromptu, unsanctioned rock concert. It makes me giddy.

Of course, if the regime ever changes, the natives might be a little peeved at us. But, heck, we lent them money, pumped money into their economy, helped their government. What else did they want, that we should support their liberation, that we should draw back from our God-given right to make money, regardless of who gets hurt, that we should deny ourselves the joy of visiting the only country in the northern hemisphere that boasts a nationwide freak show to stand on the principle of freedom. That would be terribly unreasonable of them.

In sum, I have made these two propositions out of the noblest of motives, as I was born in the United States, have no intention of doing business with the regime, or taking a Cuban vacation, and thus have nothing to gain.